this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
