They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
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