in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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