So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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