Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize