No more Irish car bombs ever.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize