you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
MIDGETS
????
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Randomize
