He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Randomize
