Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Randomize
