We got so high we made milksteak
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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