I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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