We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
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