I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Randomize
