It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
