Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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