Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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