so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
