Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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