Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
