You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
