How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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