Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Did I show you my penis last night?
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
My liver just had a heart attack.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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