ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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