ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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