I feel like abortions should bother me more
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
