Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
