We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize