Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize