It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
