I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
