You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
