my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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