The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
