She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
