Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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