3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Randomize
