you're like a bully in the Christmas story
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
