If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
