I just pynch a tree in the face
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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