Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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