Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
