Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Randomize
