i permit you to call me
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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