we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
my sisters under your porch take her home
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
