How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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