does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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