so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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