We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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