I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
id be glad to
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Randomize
