You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
