she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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