I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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