I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
