are you still at the devil's house?
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I need to sanitize my soul.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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