Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
