I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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