you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Randomize
