shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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