I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
