she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
But theres a keg here and me gusta
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
