i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
smell my finger.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
