once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
