we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize