I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
