either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
i out mim tonsoeep
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