His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
